Saturday, May 9, 2015

BYE FOREVER


I have to say goodbye to a lot of people tonight. And it's the worst kind of goodbye. The I-might-never-see-you-again goodbye. I'm really bad, even at normal goodbyes. When the end is approaching, and I have to part ways with someone, I always go, "I'm sure I'll see you again before I leave." I never do, sometimes I know that for a fact. But I'd rather slink away quietly than hug someone, and in those few seconds, berate myself into trying to feel the gravity of the situation. A lot of this week has been me, in my head, saying, "You will never be doing this again. You will look back on this moment and miss it. Really feel this." But nothing changes. I'm still standing there. My heart is beating normally. I haven't cried (EDIT: lolz this is no longer true). I don't know what it is I'm even supposed to feel, because regardless, in a few months I know I'll be upset that I took so much for granted.

But on the other hand, what does not taking something for granted look like? Isn't that the only way to enjoy something? What fun would college be if I constantly reminded myself that things won't always be like this?  NOT FUN AT ALL, I say.

More existential ~feelings~ posts to come, stay tuned.

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